It was my first puja to go on stage to perform puja to Shri Mataji, Guru Puja in 1998, at Cabella.

I had no idea what was to be done and was worried about stumbling in my sari and where to sit and everything. I sat next to a Sahaja brother who understood the situation and he smiled calmly to me, so I would not worry.

I sat as far back as I could and put my sari over my head to try to hide and caught myself wondering if the other yogis there were without any thought because in my head there had never been so many thoughts.

At one moment I felt the attention of Shri Mataji coming my way and looked down. When I thought it was over I looked up and Shri Mataji looked at me laughing, really laughing and it felt like She made all the cells in my body laugh as well. She made me feel completely comfortable in the situation.

As we got the hint to come to perform the puja by putting kumkum on Her Feet, I went with my brother and we put kumkum on one Foot each. I caught myself thinking, ‘Whatever you do, do not look up.’ And just as that thought came I could feel my head turn up, like a puppet on a string, and faced Shri Mataji, who looked down.

It was clear that She was my Guru and it was like I saw the whole universe turning in the void, and She settled something fundamental in me at that moment.

Sidsel Mugford